April 27, 2018

A Heart to Heart: Life Updates




Sorry for being MIA lately but I went through a few but not so many things. You guys, as I share my victories and triumphs here on this blog, I also do share of all the bad moments I have had as well, for me this blog is my journal, one I try to still write as I write the stories of my own life and somehow I simply love to look back at these later on and see how I overcame all of that; so this time it won't be an exception.


ABOUT MY LIFE


For the past few weeks I've been gone, my mind has been to so many places all at once, divagating around and sometimes, I was just lost in my own thoughts. Ever since I graduated from University, I’ve felt kind of disoriented, a little bit lost, I have had zero motivation, I’ve been lacking of inspiration and I was trying so hard to find my way and figure things out immediately, I thought it would be easier like they say but nope, it’s not that easy, or maybe it is but reality is a bit different. It feels like you just face and crash yourself with the real world and simply ask yourself: “what am I supposed to do now?” a question I would ask myself very often on a daily basis, which kind of felt like the biggest torture for me if you asked me.

I spent several days – if not weeks already - trying to know what I want and what I don’t want, what are my goals, my feels, like if I’m feeling 100% sure about something or simply just let it pass and go on and forget about it; but still not 100% sure about any of that, that's it I don't know what to do, and here it comes the one million question; Do I struggle with something? the answer is yes, and that's my own fears and insecurities and somehow that might have seemed to make a strong comeback. I thought everything was over and that I had overcome all of it but no and it’s something that really hits me a lot, as if you have no idea, it scares me so much, sometimes I ended up feeling less than someone else, not believing enough in myself and just making me question about everything, where all my hopes and dreams seem to vanish and disappear, wondering will I ever make it or not?  It’s sad, but it’s okay to feel sad sometimes, there’s nothing wrong with it but what's not good, it's me struggling with all of this, for some this may be the most normal thing on Earth but for me? for me it feels like I'm all tied up and just want to be freed, my insecurities and thoughts are more powerful that what I am even if I try to ignore that and fight against those because I'm the one who have the solution to that issue, but it gets me and it's something I've been dealing with ever since I started University, and well, now that's all over. 

Everything seemed as if the same story was repeated, I went through something like that a few years ago when I graduated from school, so all of this makes me feel even more emotional and worst and it brings me back to bittersweet memories but on a positive note, time will tell everything. I have plenty of it and therefore there’s no hurry, I know I just want my life to take a different turn up yet I’ve got so much and still to figure out, surely but slowly everything will start taking shape and start happening.



ABOUT MY SPIRITUAL LIFE


These struggles affected my spiritual life, they shouldn't be a no.1 priority but somehow they were, some days I would go to church but wasn't feeling 100% at my best, I could be distracted so easily by my surroundings and my own thoughts, I then stopped reading the bible, and going to church and would go just only once a week. At the time I couldn't see how much this was affecting me for real, like my life was completely different, and I feel like I was different as well which leads me to the next topic. . .


ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA


Throughout these days, I was comparing myself to others, which is something no one should ever do. The thought of "having their lives because it is perfect" popped up in my mind a couple of times, but the real question was, have they ever made a big impact on my life? which I could easily answer by saying a big fat no, they've done absolutely nothing. How sad that is, but it's true, but hey, actually only a few handful people which I can count with just one of my hands, actually have and I can also call those my "friends". Back to the topic, that thought kind of just feels so vanal and materialistic to me, and then here I am one more time asking myself these questions: do I really want their lives? what if they don't have what i actually have? am i really willing to change that for materials things that at the end of the day, do not matter, and once you die, you'll take nothing with you, nor even your own body? is that what you want? and I would just keep on asking myself many more.

Despite of that, I got fed up of seeing the similar but same thing repeatedly, constantly on a daily basis, most of them, well I simply didn't engage with those accounts, I did a "unfollow spree" twice and they both were between 150-180, that's like over 300, how sad, but it's what it is, I don't want to look for a pretty feed anymore, I now seek for inspiration, talent, people who are true to themselves, people that might have similar interests as me, people I can be friends with and connect and engage/interact with and more, and I'm so glad I did that, I wish I have done it before but maybe it wasn't the right time to do so until now.




WHAT I LEARNED TO GET OVER IT AND OVERCOME IT


I shouldn't be afraid of saying this, but given the opportunity as I'm being open and honest with all of you, the solution to this for me was to pray. There’s the power of prayer, and that, that's most beautiful gift ever. Two nights ago, I cried my heart out silently in my bedroom and I prayed, I told God how I was feeling and that I didn't want to feel that way anymore, that I wanted Him to take all of my fears and insecurities away, to take away those thoughts that came to my mind, I was just being me, talking to my best friend, being honest and 100% sure He was listening to me, I knew this is a battle I’ve been through for so long but I also knew I was going to win it sooner or later and just to needed to rebuke it by praying; I felt asleep and the next morning, it was all so different.

A brand new day had started but with a new proof, as I was feeling different, I wanted to get out of my comfort zone, part of that is me being super shy and it takes me so long to start a conversation with someone, and there was this person I've wanted to talk to and that day happened, we exchanged a few words/thoughts and I felt so much better for having told that person what I told, otherwise I would probably be regretting it, still being unsure about it and also maybe drowning myself in my own thoughts. Sometimes, there are things that need to be said, and I'm a firm believer of that and if they come from the heart, of course they need to be said right away, and that was a proof of something I was asking myself lately.

After that, I now feel like I'm giving my first baby steps and starting from scratch, I've been reading the bible more, going to church and well, everything seems to be getting back to normal, my fears have slowly disappeared and I hope they don't get back but if they do, I'll pray just like I did that night, I'm now so interested in other new things, I've been motivated a little bit more, than in fact, I started working out again after 1.5 years without to and just like that, I've been trying to be 100% at my best and I've achieved all of that. I now plan on updating my portfolio and start looking for a job and the rest will come later little by little.

My advice to anyone reading this, you're not alone, we all have good days and bad days and sometimes our lives are in between these two as of late, not everything is perfect, these are battles and proof that are meant to teach us something, and if you ever feel like this, then just pray, take some time off, like a break, unplug yourself from social media, and once you feel at your best, you'll be happier, and everything will feel like it's a new chapter, and things will start falling into place again because in my case, it feels exactly just like that.



Thank you for being still here even when I've been gone and for your understanding in advance! I love you all and wish you guys have a happy weekend! Until next time! xx

14 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post and thanks so much for sharing it with us, Melissa! I love and appreciate your honesty to not only share the good but also the bad. I didn't know fears and insecurities were one of your biggest struggles, I even thought you maybe didn't even have one. But, I'm so glad, everything is taking shape now. Also, don't ever feel ashamed of glorifying the Lord, if the pray worked for you, it's fine, that says a lot and like you just mentioned, you just prayed and God listened to you, sometimes we think God doesn't listen our prayers, but He does! I hope you can keep on sharing more posts like this, I'm sure many people look up to you, including myself. I wish you all the very best always and hope you find a job anytime soon. You can do it girl, we all believe in you and we're here to support you. 💕

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you SO SO SO MUCH Maria Paula! Your words and continued support really means a lot to me! Yes, I do, I mean we all have our own fears, I just never shared that before until now. Yes, everything's so different, my life feels completely different and I'm always with a big smile from ear to ear. That's true, He really does! and not that I feel ashamed or something but talking about religion, it's a bit hard for me, but when I do, I'm so honest and just leave my little grain here and there. I will try to get back to normal schedule, if not, posting every now and then but will definitely write more posts like this! Aww, thank you! Fingers crossed, I will keep you guys updated! :) xo

      Delete
  2. you pray? that cool if it helps you, I do long walks, i am feeling bad from time to time but I am hoping something will work out for me too! :)
    http://highheelpoodl.blogspot.rs/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I do! If things are out of my control then I pray and just leave everything in God's hands, and I pray knowing that I trust and believe in Him! Before, one thing that helped me a lot, was to go to the beach, I'd sit close by the shore and for every wave that came/approached to me, I would close my eyes and I would simply let go of things. I now barely go to the beach and praying has worked for me! I hope you find something that can work for you soon! :) ♥ xo

      Delete
  3. I love how open you are in this post about a low point in your life. We ALL have them and they can be tough to get out of. I'm glad that you've found ways to rise up again and I know that now you will be a little more prepared for the next time life challenges you Xx

    https://sharangill.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Sharan! Yes, I completely agree with you; they're so tough to be honest, I've been struggling with this since I can remember! Thank you, yes that's so true and I really hope so! ♥ xo

      Delete
  4. Oh Melissa, this is by far one of my favourite posts, this has been so beautifully written and even if you haven't been blogging that much lately, there's quality over quantity and this post is just a reflection of that. Sorry that you went through all of it, but it makes me so happy to see you stand up after falling down. I'm sure that from now on everything will be different, but know that moments like this are meant to make us stronger and to not makes us faint. Praying is so powerful and it makes me even happier to see/know that worked for you. The honesty in this post is just so amazing and real. Wish you all the best, Melissa! You have my support always, been here since day one! ♥ Have a lovely day! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you SO much Tuğba for your encouraging words and continued support as well, that really means so much to me! Everything feels so different to be honest, I feel better and happier! Oh, that's true and I agree with you on it, that's way there's the power of praying! Thank you, I just wanted to be open and honest and share what I've been through, not every day is always a good day! Thank you again for your support! Wish you have an amazing day and week ahead! ♥ xo

      Delete
  5. Thanks for writing the Melissa,I can relate to what you mean about praying. Just knowing that someone has my back helps me breath a little more better.Especially when things stress start to stress me out.

    -https://dittomode.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much dear! Yes, that's so true; when things are out of my control, I simply pray and leave everything in God's hands, I pray knowing that I trust and believe in Him and He's the only one who has the solution to this! ♥ xo

      Delete
  6. Thank for sharing this with us Mel! People rarely get to talk about their struggles, but like you mentioned you've shared all the good and bad as well and I'm surprised you went through something similar. I'm glad the dark days have turned into brighter days tho! Things will slowly change for the better. Also, social media plays this trick with our minds sometimes, i don't what it has to do with but it's like you follow X accounts and then what you did to find an inspuration becomes in a comparison to some of us. But I'm glad you took the time to ask yourself those questions, I'll keep those in mind, been there as well!

    On another note, I love your outfit and love the photos, you're so so so pretty/beauyiful and it seems like you're now a little bit more - if not way too much - comfortable in front of the camera! You look amazing babe! Happy Sunday! ♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you SO MUCH Camille! Yes, this blog is kind of like journal for me, there's the good and there's the bad, and I'm sure some may be going through something similar, so they know they're not alone. They will surely and slowly will! :) I know, I used to follow a lot mainly for inspiration, but then this similar-but same thing, call it outfits, feed/them, felt just so repetitive to me, and I was like nope, I don't want this anymore plus I love to interact with people, and with those I barely did, so that's why! Oh babe, do not compare yourself to other and also never feel less or more than someone, you are you, you do you. ♥

      Aww, thank you so much! Honestly, I'm still trying to getting used to be in front of the camera, but let's say it's kind of worked for me to be/feel comfortable! Wish you have a lovely day and amazing week ahead! xo

      Delete
  7. This is such a wonderful read dear. Love readings posts like this and getting a glimpse of the life of people in the blogosphere. Love what you said about struggles, fears, and insecurities. We all have that, and I think, the more we recognize these things, the more we learn how to deal with it in a regular basis. Thanks for sharing this good read!

    Jessica | notjessfashion.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you SO much Jessica! It makes me so super happy to know that you've not only enjoyed it but also you love posts like this, I'll try to write and share more of this from now on! Yes, that's so true, I guess I had to simply go through it to realize and know how to deal with it next time! ♥ xo

      Delete

Thank you so much for all of your lovely thoughts, they're kindly appreciated. I read and even try my best to reply them all! ♡