A Letter to 2023

As I do every year, here's my annual letter to end of the year, this time is for 2023. If I gather my thoughts up and look back, I could say that it was indeed a beautiful year in all sense of word, if you were to ask me to describe it in just one single word, that would be it, BEAUTIFUL.

It is not news that I have mentioned in previous posts that I lost two of my family members back in 2021 and since then, I sort of felt like I went downhill, I'll never know if it was just mere sadness, depression, both or something else, but I am thankful for I have not longer experienced any of that anymore. I am a lot happier now, it is even hard to describe such emotions but my heart and I are finally at peace and content too and that is a plus and improvement. Although, everything hasn't been like that always because I have had some peak moments of a breakdown but it is normal, I cry, I find composture and keep on going, that's life and take my own time without rushing things. If I feel sad, I feel sad and let it be, if I want to cry, I cry all I want, I guess it is now such a beautiful thing to experience, I don't know how to explain it, but I give time to my emotions and take control of what I can humanly take control of. But, I am thankful to God because I have been delivered from this sadness or whatever it was, that it was NOT good. 

Another year has gone by and once again, I've spent it with my family, maybe we haven't been able to travel for one reason or another, but as long as we have had some quality family time is all that matters to me the most. Although, yes, I wish we could go on vacations. We all desperately need them. haha! I have also been able to connect with mom the most, I have loved staying at home with her and have had very deep conversations about different aspects of our lives, and it is such a beautiful thing that moments like this, I'll be locking them up somewhere special in my heart. I won't be taking any of this for granted, on the contrary, I thank God for allowing me to still have my parents and brother by my side and I really appreciate my family whom I love SO much with all my heart, and I hope we can continue on having this bond as a family.

With beautiful moments, there comes hardships too and that's also what life is about too, and even if it wasn't something that happened in my family nucleus, it does feel like it was. I experienced along my best friend, the loss of her dad, as well as finding out her mom has cancer. It was one event after another, but even if I couldn't be there for her physically since we are separated by many miles away, I am glad to have been there for her just like when she was with me while grieving too and moments like this reinforce our long distance friendship too. We celebrated each other's birthdays just like we have done the past 2 years, sending Ecards and letters via email and we've both been the happiest ever since, she loved her presents, and I loved mine as well, I was so in shock she spent her money and bought me some stuff, but I really really appreciate such kind gesture and I loved each and every single one of them. It was one of a kind, one that I never expected but glad to know we both enjoyed each other's birthdays despite the circunstances. 🤍

Talking about birthdays, I turned 29 last nov.4, and just like how I mentioned it in that post, yes, I have been through changes, changes I started to notice back in mid-August or so, changes that again I don't know what exactly they are, but I just feel SO different, I feel like I am slowly becoming that woman I have always longed to become and for that I am and I will be forever thankful, also, I feel a lot more beautiful and just like I have said to mom and to my bff, it's not about physical beauty but something that comes from the inside out, if that makes any sense. But well, that's how I felt and feel, so yeah. It makes me feel a lot better about myself. 

I'm also thankful to God, because I had what it could be a my first 'job' experience after such a long time, almost 6 years. This was back end of February, one of my classmates from Univ contacted me through my mom's phone (hello, I've been phoneless since Sept 2022) she said they were trying to hire someone, all she knew was they were needing someone that could speak in English and fashion design related and she thought of me and that I could apply for it, so I did. I just felt so many emotions yet let everything, including me, go with the flow. I had an interview on a Saturday, minutes before that, I felt in my heart that was not meant for me and I was almost close to not going to the interview, but I went and left everything in God's hands, the interview went well. Part of the interview was half in Spanish and the other half in English, then I just left and went home. (After having that interview, that just 'reaffirmed' my thoughts, the job was mostly for a business manager but that has had experience in the fashion industry, but again, I could learn if I didn't know this, the 'boss' was willing to teach me)  When I got home, my friend calls me and tells me to go back because her boss wanted me to help her with some stuff and I was like why didn't she tell me that while I was there? anyway, I left and went back to the workplace, and talked to her boss and I was there to do her 'tasks' which part of it consisted of tech packs, and she gave me a week, I think they're called trial week, and of course, I would get paid plus she also would see how I work and also teach me other things if there was time for it. 

Let me tell you something if I have to highlight something from this year, this could be on top on that list, those 5 days were the best days of my life, I loved the people, the work environment, it was small, like about 9-10 employees but it was SO good, the offices and place in general felt very welcoming, actually interior-wise is an old house turned into an office, but really felt so nice, the little patio on the back, it was super chill and very relaxing, it was where we had our lunch, and I would sit in one of the rocking chairs and just look at the trees afterwards. I LOVED the commute to work, I'd leave home at about 7am, and it'd take me around 10-15min to get to the bus stop, around that time the trees were in full bloom, and seeing them made my morning a lot better and in such a good mood to start my day off right, and the bus ride, oh, I absolutely loved it. I never once felt tired during that week, in fact, I felt with so much energy. It's crazy but most of the co-workers I had thought the job was already mine, but deep down inside my heart, I already knew my last day would be on a Friday, the shock in their faces when they found out that Friday would be my last day, it broke my heart, but I was really SO happy for having such an amazing experience and having met such beautiful people, and being paid for it, which I wasn't expecting that to be honest. I feel like those 5 days, each one equaled every year I've been 'on vacation' (aka unemployed) and overall, it was such a beautiful experience and one I am and will always be forever thankful for. This leaves me with a question I ask myself, does this counts like a job experience? as long as it was paid, sure it was, right? and the biggest lesson is, I knew through my sixth sense this was somehow not for me yet the whole experience itself just shut me up, like God proved me wrong and for that, I am thankful too. 

Another favorite thing of this year, was to practice the art of noticing. A practice that became a habit and made me so appreciative of moments like this. An attention to details but more so on the enchanting everyday surroundings that felt enliving. A way of also romanticizing life and observing things with different eyes and perception. A moment of thankfulness to my Heavenly Father for creating such majesty that always left me enthralled, speechless and in awe, because such 'mundane' things that may be taken for granted and/or go unnoticed by others, brought me joy and a huge smile on my face. I find so much happiness in simple things like these, from watching the sunset on the balcony, to going on walks and coming across with beautiful butterflies, hummingbirds or even snails, and just by doing this, it feels like a therapy to me, even more so, like something SO special and dear to my heart too and there's nothing than fascinates me most than nature itself, and as I once said, it is one of my main sources of inspirations. 

So, because of this, there was just mere admiration in me towards nature and God himself. It's with this practice that life got even more beautiful and got to experience such beautiful moments that became some of my favourites and along that, I got to capture most of them as well and I guess they're mostly the reason why I've described 2023 as 'BEAUTIFUL'. 

Being phoneless made me realize how much screen time I was having a day, now that time is a lot more reduced - somewhere between 20-30mins a day now - since sometimes I borrow my mom's phone to check IG or TikTok and then I just log out. I used to capture a lot of things, and I really miss doing that I am not gonna lie, but now, it is a lot more limited and some of those moments I have also experienced and I have not been able to grab a phone and take a pic or two, I have kept them to myelf, because again, you don't need to be on the phone all the time, sometimes I think there are moments that are priceless and beautiful to our eyes that no 'photo' will make it justice, so that may be another 'habit' of mine and yes, it does feels like I am a lot more offline now and just enjoying the present moment, and I love that for myself to be honest!

I don't really know if I have forgotten about something or not and if I have, I may come back to this post and edit it but thus far and for this time 'round I can happily say this was a BEAUTIFUL YEAR indeed, in all sense of word. There's nothing I didn't love about it. Yes, there may be some things that again, didn't happen this year, but that just gives me the strength to continue until I can see them all materialized (they become a reality in my life) there were some hardships and challenges but I learned and they're smaller in number, so I look more to the positive side and good things. I really do not know what God has in store for me this 2024, but I'm hoping it'll be my best year so far, starting by the fact I'll be entering my 30's I am both excited and scared but I just know it will be an amazing decade of my life, as for the rest, I'm just gonna let the Lord surprise me one more time. 

To whom may be reading this, to my lovely readers and followers, thank you for being here, for still reading me and my blog even though I have not been as active as I used to or would like to, but I'll never forget this blog was and is a part of me and I will forever be thankful for you all, your comments and support. I hope this new year is filled with so many beautiful things for each one of you. Wishing you all nothing but the very best from the bottom of my heart!

PS: I'll try my best to post more often here on the blog but if not, you can always find me on my 'not-so-new' instagram account. 

Until next time!

xx

Melissa